Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
