MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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