Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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