I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
