i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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