Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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