I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone came in the potted fern
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
