were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize