The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
