I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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