farters have to be the big spoon...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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