Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
