cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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