i barfeds in our rink
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
