I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
