According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
