every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
