yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
