Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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