She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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