so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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