She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
