How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
