I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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