Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
