so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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