Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
