i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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