I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
