Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize