Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
