i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
