Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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