yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
