Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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