Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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