An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
