A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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