My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
