Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
