I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize