My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
