do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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