it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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