The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
