the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
as a side note pls kill me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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