We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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