Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
