she's into porn, im staying here tonight
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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