I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
please don't ironically join a cult
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