i just wanna soil my oats bro
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
