Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she smelled like a LAN party
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
