I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize