I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
