There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
