I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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