woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
