I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
