How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
