Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
