You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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