hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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