I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize