Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
