Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
