Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
