I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
