nut hugger
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
