He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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