lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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