there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize