I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
