it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
