you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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