I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
